A weekly podcast about building great relationships, cultivating wonder, and making things better for other people. Hosted by veteran community-builder Bart Campolo, Humanize Me features friendly, thoughtful conversations with a wide array of scientists, activists, artists and oddballs.
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An simple index of episodes can be found here.
Humanize Me is a production of Jux Media.
Some of the things people abandon when they leave the church are rituals. But this week’s Q&A features a voicemail by listener Morris Bird, who asks:
“The word ritual is used to describe things as innocent as reading the newspaper. On the other hand, it’s used to describe sinister cult ceremonies. I’m curious, what are your thoughts generally on the role of rituals in secular communities, and what makes a good ritual, and how are good rituals designed and implemented into a community?”
In a first for one of our Q&A episodes, Bart chooses to ‘phone a friend’, a now-secular ‘celebrant’ called Keith Page, and they chew over the idea of rituals.
Takeaways: Rituals create order, and a sense of permanence, funerals, weddings, families, birthdays, Alcoholics Anonymous and other things are good examples, rituals of initiation like baptism actually make sense, the best rituals are connected to a value you share, solo rituals too, people need collective practice.
Don’t worry; if you’ve never heard of ‘evidism’, you’re not alone. This is a term coined by the guests in this episode, inventor Jeff Haley and author Dale McGowan, to describe people committed to fact-based, evidence-based thinking.
In this conversation with Bart Campolo, Haley and McGowan talk about their book, Sharing Reality: How to Bring Secularism and Science to an Evolving Religious World, and their ideas for how to have better, more evidence-based conversations with people who have different worldviews.
They talk about how we know fact from fiction, the word ‘believe’, how we know the earth is round, evidence and the resurrection of Jesus Christ, bias and how we must all admit to having it, and how to talk to people of faith.
How does one decide who to pick to be friends with? Bart Campolo and John Wright look at this question as a sort of ‘Part 2’ to the last Q&A about cultivating good friendships:
“I really enjoyed Episode 326 where you guys talked about how being interested in other people is the first step to having good friendships, but my question is, who should I be focusing on? Who should I invest in or try to get closer to when I build a nice friendship? Looking forward to hearing what you have to say.”
Takeaways: Shared interests are important, circles are an easier place to start than individuals, complimentary personalities are better than sameness, have an awareness of your own social cachet and keep it in mind, choose kindness over coolness.
No defaults. That’s how Dedeker Winston, and her romantic partners Jase and Alex, see the foundation of their relationship structure: conscious, intentional choice around a lifestyle that works for the people involved in it, rather than defaulting to the monogamy (or serial monogamy) of our culture.
As a former evangelical Christian, Dedeker not only left behind her faith but also many of the ideas based on it, like its messages about sex and relationships.
In this conversation with Bart Campolo, Dedeker talks about hierarchy in poly relationships like hers, the ‘relationship escalator’, expression of ultimate values, the fallacy of thinking that one person can play every role in one’s life, commitment, financial and legal matters, comparisons with blended families and LGBTQ families, the difficulties of being in alternative lifestyles in a society that doesn’t see them as normal or good, and takeaways for couples who plan to stay in monogamous relationships.
Dedeker’s website can be found at DedekerWinston.com, her poly podcast can be found at Multiamory.com and her book can be found on Amazon.
It’s a line Bart Campolo uses a lot in this podcast and elsewhere, that the essence of life is cultivating loving relationships with other people. Today’s question asks how to begin the process of doing that:
“Bart often talks about about cultivating loving relationships, but I’m never sure what he means or what I’m supposed to do. Don’t get me wrong, I was popular enough in school and I’ve always gotten along well with the people I work with, but I don’t know how many of my friends would say they actually feel loved by me, or vice versa. I’m not asking for Bart’s ’12 Rules For Life’, but I’d sure like to know Step One when it comes to connecting more deeply with the people in my life.”
Bart borrows heavily from Dale Carnegie’s classic book How To Win Friends and Influence People in his response, which he uses to break it down to a single, basic point.
It’s often noted that Alcoholics Anonymous sounds like a religious movement, with its appeal to a ‘Higher Power’. But Joe C. is the founder of a group called AA Beyond Belief, which he says exists to provide a space for AA agnostics, atheists and freethinkers worldwide.
Bart Campolo has wanted to have a conversation with a secular person deep in the AA world for a long time, and Joe C. is that person! Many people have been helped and find their community in groups like his, and Bart wanted to explore how it looks for Joe, people in recovery and those in his group in particular.
Find AA Beyond Belief at AABeyondBelief.org. See also SecularAA.org and follow Joe at Twitter.com/Rebellion_Dogs.
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