I’m a Christian. I left the church two years ago but retained the identity. Now I am not sure I want to be associated with Christians at all. It’s all tied up with the Christian hegemony in my country, frustration with liberal Christians who won’t stand up for justice in case it offends someone…all of that. I am on the verge of giving up the name ‘Christian’. Honestly, I don’t think I understand what that word means any more and I’m tired of insisting on it. But my trouble is that I still believe in god and I still like and identify with the Jesus story.
I don’t know what to call myself if not ‘Christian’. Lots of people think that I shouldn’t worry about having a label, but it’s not really about the word – it’s more about my identity. I wish I could call myself a secular humanist or an atheist, but I’m not either of those things. Just wondering if you had any ideas. It’s kind of a lonely place when you don’t have a language to speak of yourself.
Hope you are well!
I don’t know what you’ve read or heard about me, but here’s a paragraph I often use:
“I call myself a secular humanist these days not because I’m angry or fed up with the Church, but rather because I don’t want to confuse all those folks who no longer can or never could believe in supernatural forces, but still want to pursue goodness as a way of life. Such people have very few spiritual leaders, so I’m just trying to let them know where they can find one. That said, I’m still grateful for Christianity, since that’s where I learned almost everything I know about love. In that way, I’m still a Christian, since that’s where I come from. Just as I no longer live in Philadelphia, but still speak with that accent and love the Eagles, I’m proud of where I came from spiritually and I still root for the best kinds of Jesus followers. I know lots of those folks are praying for me these days, and I’m grateful. In fact, believe it or not, I still pray myself. I don’t think there’s anyone out there listening, but I know for a fact that there’s something about expressing our gratitude and articulating our deepest, most positive desires that makes us better people and changes our world by extension.”
What I left out, of course, is that I’m disappointed when the people who still live in my hometown (or my home religion) embarrass themselves by acting backwards or failing to live up to their highest ideals. The difference between you and me, I think, is that I no longer feel any sense of responsibility for their behavior or any sense of agency when it comes to changing it, which means I don’t feel angrily frustrated about the overt wrongdoing or self-destructive tendencies of Christians, especially when those behaviors flow directly from their supernatural beliefs. Just sad, because I understand that they truly can’t help themselves. None of us really chooses what we believe, after all.
In your case, it seems to me that the person you need to make peace with is God (or god, if you’ve lowercased your deity to suggest some lesser capacity), who ostensibly is responsible for clearly communicating with both you and your fellow Christians, and empowering you to both understand and follow the presumably singular path of Jesus. Trust me, I’m not poking at you or your faith, but rather am seriously suggesting that you need to figure out what you think God can and can’t do in this world, and why exactly you think that.
You then need to decide whether you merely like the Jesus story (as I do) or are convinced that it actually happened in a way that makes Christianity and its Bible uniquely relevant. You can still be a kind of Christian even if you think the story is entirely symbolic, but that route is often more about loyalty to old friends and nostalgia for fading traditions than it is about helping to forge the spiritual future of humanity.
If you believe in a personal God who even occasionally intervenes in the affairs of humanity, and if you believe that Jesus (whether the man or the story) is among the most important of those interventions, then you are indeed still a Christian, albeit a deeply frustrated one who is embarrassed by and alienated from her own tribe. Concocting another word will only confuse you and the people you try it out on.
If the words God and Jesus are merely your placeholders for Meaning and Intentional Human Goodness, however, well then…I think you’re with me. Which is both harder – you have to work out a new way of life and help build a new kind of community – and easier – you can replace your anger at the Church with compassion – at the same time.
I hope that’s helpful.
Last week it was my honor to participate in USC’s baccalaureate service. Thrilled as I was to be included, I was a bit nonplussed when Dean Soni asked me to offer a Scriptural Reading. After all, we secularists have no holy books. While most of my interfaith brothers and sisters consider their favorite texts holy because of who wrote or inspired them, for us words only become sacred if and when they accurately describe something of ultimate value and supreme importance. Thankfully, my friend Gretta Vosper supplied me with this secular prayer, which beautifully fit into Dean Soni’s overall theme of mindfulness.
Easy then, the line clear and well-defined;
“wrong is wrong” and “right is right”
divided the choice of our youth with simple precision.
But now, intricacies we do not understand underscore our complicities,
and the line has grown faint.
Where shall we set ourselves now, bow our heads to pay our dues,
or is penance even possible?
May we welcome moments of reflection, that expose to us the truths of who we are,
not for the “strengthening of character” they might bring
but simply for our coming to know the tangled wonder of our inner selves.
Such knowledge is hard to find.
Into our reflection, we peer at who we are
and as we gaze at ourselves – study the lines, colours, curves of our own faces –
we miss entirely who we really are.
It is as though a layer of imperfection distorts the glass,
hiding our true selves even from eyes yearning to see.
It is as though we were masked, hidden within the projection of what we should see.
May we learn to comprehend beyond the transmission of our optic nerves,
grow senses that might find us out and touch, feel, listen for
the truths of who we are.
And when we find them, may we wrap them once again in our own holiness,
which is our love.
As those able to cherish the unfolding moments of our lives, we pray,
I’ve corresponded with lots of ministry-minded people who have lost their faith, many of whom once were or still are church pastors. What these good folks fear most about going secular is losing the privilege of reaching out in love to hurting people, or the urgency to do so.
Here’s a question from one of them:
After nearly five years away from the church I am just beginning to feel the spark of mission again. During that time I have not actively pursued anything ‘spiritual’, but I notice that I am always moved to my core by any and every expression of selfless love, which leads me to wonder if such love is my real god. Clearly you have found plenty of life and meaning and ministry on the other side of supernaturalism, but do you ever wonder if that ‘mission spark’ we share is just an old Christian tape playing in our heads?
Here’s my reply:
Nah, that spark is no Christian tape! On the contrary, that spark happens when your compassion for needy people get mixed up with your desire to ensure the future of our species (including your own genes, of course), both of which are wonderful, natural instincts that make me grateful for evolution, not to mention life itself. Indeed, I’m fairly certain it was that spark that inspired our ancestors to invent religion in the first place, not the other way around.
We human beings are meaning making machines and throughly social animals. Our desire to form circles of trust and then work and even sacrifice ourselves to make those circles thrive is as basic to our identities as our desires for food and sex. So then, in this moment at least, don’t look back. Instead, enjoy the instinctual dignity of your calling!
And here’s my invitation: Feel free to write to me yourself, especially if you’re trying to sort out a new mission in life. I love that stuff!
Recently it was my privilege to speak to USC’s Secular Student Fellowship. Instead of speaking, however, I asked the group to help me overhaul a document I found on the Yale Humanist Community’s website called What Is Humanism?, which I think almost but not quite captures the essence of many of those students’ spiritual identities, along with my own. They readily agreed, and before long all of us were happily swapping stories, parsing language and losing track of time.
We didn’t end up with a finished product, of course. On the contrary, at some points we nearly despaired at the utter inadequacy of the word humanism, and strongly considered substituting for it with blank spaces until we could come up with something better. We couldn’t find a place for experiences of wonder and transcendence, too, even though we’ve all had them. Nevertheless, by the time we packed it in, I think everyone – including me – felt a little bit surer of who we are and what we’re about.
Here’s our draft. Please, whether or not you’re a secular humanist, tell me how it lands with you and how I can make it more helpful for insiders and outsiders alike. And if you come up a better name for us than ‘secular humanist’, don’t be shy about it. After all, even though almost nobody remembers it now, Google started out as BackRub.
Secular humanism can be characterized in two different ways.
In one sense, secular humanism refers to a particular approach to life. The term humanist applies to any person or organization that shares that approach, whether or not they claim the name, in the same way someone afraid of the dark is an achluophobic, even if they’ve never heard of that word.
Secular humanism also refers to a particular historical movement which is comprised of individuals and organizations that openly embrace that identity.
Secular humanism doesn’t have any list of mandatory creeds, dogmas, holy books, or prophets. While all of us value truth, love, and the well-being of sentient beings, there is no single thing that all secular humanists believe to be of supreme importance. However, this doesn’t mean a humanist is anyone who likes the sound of the word. A humanist, by our definition at least, takes a particular side on each of three important debates:
Reasoned Experienced vs Divine Revelation. Humanists reject the use of divine revelation, and instead rely on reason, experience, naturalism, and community deliberation. Humanists don’t think these epistemic methods are perfect in every way, but only that they’re by far the best we’ve got to work with at this point.
Meaning vs Nihilism. Nobody knows where scientific inquiry will ultimately lead us, but humanists believe rational people will always conclude that there is morality and purpose to our lives. The fact that the Universe as a whole may be aimless does not make our individual lives any less meaningful or our compassion, honesty and other virtues any less valuable.
The Absence vs Presence of Gods. Secular humanism is non-theistic. This mean that no God or gods have an active presence in a humanist’s life. A humanist may be an atheist, believing that God doesn’t exist, an agnostic, who neither believes nor disbelieves, or someone who is simply uninterested in the question. Regardless, we secular humanists rely on ourselves and one another to solve our problems, rather than on any kind of supernatural force.
Because we reject supernaturalism, secular humanists are often accused of being a cult of science. “Scientism” is the word critics most commonly use to suggest that we share a blind faith in the conclusions of the scientific community. In fact, secular humanism is an approach to life, not a fixed understanding of the Universe. If we humanists have any dogma, it is only that each individual should make their own decisions about life’s most important questions, based on reason, experience, and honest critical thinking, keeping in mind that because our base of evidence keeps changing as new data becomes available, so too must our beliefs.
Nevertheless, gathering and discussing new and relevant information has been and will remain a community process, because no individual has time and energy enough to carefully study each and every important question. So then, we secular humanists must depend on each other as we research those questions and continue to craft our own best answers to them.
After I talked with John Rogers of the Associated Press a few weeks ago, I wasn’t sure how clearly I’d communicated my commitment to secular goodness as a way of life, not just a way of thinking. After reading his article about me in today’s New York Times, Washington Post and and a bunch of other newspapers, I guess I did okay.
As much as I appreciated the way John described what I’m doing at USC, however, I want to correct his suggestion that I’d “never been that much of a believer anyway”. In fact, like most of my post-Christian friends, I was a genuine person of faith for many years before I slowly lost my supernatural credulity. During that time, when I talked about sensing God’s presence or receiving divine guidance, I wasn’t pretending. I’d certainly explain such transcendent experiences differently today, but I’d never say they don’t happen or question the sincerity of believers who attach them to their supernatural narratives.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m thrilled by all this positive national exposure. I just want to make sure all those folks who heard me preach Jesus know I wasn’t lying to them.
I am enjoying keeping up with your podcast and blog, etc.
I wonder if I might pick your brain a little? At this point I am probably described best as an universalist/humanist with a base in Christianity. Our family quit attending church a couple of years ago. I LOVE not going to church on Sundays. I feel peace and no pressure. The thought of going back to almost any church for any reason makes me squeemish, but…
We have 3 kids (12, 8 and 8). Overall they have been fine with our not going to church. My daughter mentions going once in a while, but honestly she mostly wants to do crafts and sing. However, both sets of grandparents are here in town and VERY regular church attenders, and lately they’ve invited the kids to go with them to attend Sunday school at the conservative church we used to attend.
I don’t want to be one of those families that has their kids taken to church by someone else. My husband wonders if our kids have a need we are not filling. He wonders if we should find a more progressive church to visit with them, but we are in a small southern Bible belt town with very few options. Honestly, I don’t want to go anywhere at all, but I worry that I am not letting my kids experience something important.
What do you think?
As much as I cherish the values I learned in church, it took me a long time to overcome the dark side of faith… including a fear of hell and other punishments, a sense of essential unworthiness because of original sin, and guilt for not being able to believe stuff that was frankly unbelievable. I know church folks mean well, but laying all that stuff on a little one feels kind of abusive to me now.
That said, kids love Sunday School and VBS and all of that because they love having adults really talk to them about how to be good and how to live well and how to handle fear and uncertainty. That and the games and the crafts and the songs. Methinks that may be reason enough for you guys to start some kind of cooperative Sunday morning kids club, where you and some friends bring your families together to communicate your deepest values to your kids in that same hokey way.
Hope, peace, joy, innocence, delight, forgiveness, caring, love, respect, wisdom, honor, creativity, tranquility, beauty, imagination, humor, awe, truth, purity, justice, courage, fun, compassion, skillfulness, wonder, trustworthiness, kindness… those are the kinds of values that kids need to interact around with their parents and neighbors their parents trust.